Worry

I know it doesn't add a single hair to my head, it does me no good whatsoever, but I am a worrier. I come from a long line of worriers. I think (or hope, maybe) that each generation is a little better than the one before, so maybe there is hope for my kids. I try not to let it get me down, but it is still there.

When my husband is just a little late getting home from work I have to send him a text because I picture him on the side of the road. When Eli goes outside to play, I constantly have to check to see that he is okay (though getting two big dogs that adore him helps). I can't let Isaiah out of my sight for fear he will fall off something or choke on something (although I try to give him as much space as I can). And Noah. I worry about his little tight body. I worry about his unformed hip, and his little turned-in ankle. I worry about him getting sick, not growing enough, growing too much (yes, even that can be an issue for him). Worry... worry... worry.

I think there are two reasons that I worry about things now that I never used to worry about. One reason is that what happened to Noah is relatively rare -- and yet it happened to us. So now I have the reality staring me in the face that the thing that you don't think will happen to you... can. The other reason is... dang it! I can't remember. It was a good thought, too, but I lost it typing the other.

That's okay. I was getting a bit too serious for my taste anyway.

So how do I deal with it? I do the only thing of which I am capable. I give it over to God. Again and again. I have to, because it would swallow me whole. I know that life is fragile. I know that all I want for Noah - for all my family - could never come to pass. And I, we, have to enjoy life as it comes. Appreciate every moment because, especially for Noah, it really could be the last.

But for now, Noah is really healthy - we all are. I once read that ninety percent of everything people worry about never comes to pass (though it is probably higher for a worrier like me). I can't let worry steal my joy, especially when I have so much to be joyful about!

I am blessed.