Ups and Downs

Lately I have been made mindful of how we began this journey with Noah with all the tests and devastation of what appeared to be a dire diagnosis. I can remember the dread of sitting in the doctor's offices and the pain as they looked at those test and told us what was "likely" to be expected from Noah.

Of course, Noah had a very rocky beginning. Sometimes I wonder how close he came to death in those first hours and days after he was born. We knew he had a brain bleed and brain edema at birth, but there were no clear answers about what that might mean. Initial brain scans had looked promising, so when we saw an MRI at three months of age that showed so much damage in his brain...

Well, I remember breaking down once we got home. I remember a haunting feeling of the unknown. But I looked at that little, smiling child (who according to the aforementioned brain scans should not have been smiling), I made a decision that I would always look at him and not some test. I made the decision that I was going to trust God with those things outside of my control, and therefore, no matter what, it was going to be okay.

There have been many ups and downs along the way. Lots of frustrations try to mar our attitudes and determination, but we continue to maintain our faith in God and be amazed by that funny, happy, sensitive, very smart, and very, very sweet child. So as much as I'd like to say I have strength and that's where Noah gets his, I really know that it is mostly the other way around, and as I said, provided by God.