Ever seen that parent in Walmart or Target with the kid that is screaming "NO!!" at the top of his or her lungs? The mom may even be holding the child down while he or she kicks and screams, totally past reason.
Admit it. Did you look at that poor mom and think, "I would never let my child act that way!" Or, "it's nothing a good spankin' wouldn't fix."
Take a closer look. Certainly, there are plenty of parents out there who are terrible at discipline. They don't correct their small children, and they are headed for a completely different kind of trouble. But on your second look at this mom, behind her red face, does she wear a defeated expression?
What you may not know is that this mom has tried it all. She has reasoned, timed out, and spanked this child with no effect. She knew something was wrong before she could convince the doctor. Some of this mom's friends won't speak to her any more, and many members of her family still don't understand. She is running on adrenaline on a daily basis just to keep up with this kid. And possibly his or her "biggest" problem is that he or she LOOKS completely normal.
This child has been diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder, or SPD. It is an Autism spectrum disorder. It is likely that this child is behind on his or her developmental milestones, and mom and dad are just in the process of learning how to deal with what this means.
One thing a parent needs to do is to be calm at all times. It is harder to do when you are in Walmart and all the other parents are giving you dirty looks. So, please, be kind. Don't judge this mom and child, because unless you are well-trained, you probably won't know the difference between this child and a child with poor behavior.
I had a wonderful visit today with a mom whose son was diagnosed with SPD several months ago. She was in the constant state of apologizing for her son's behavior, which wasn't necessary as I both understood and have seen worse. Her son is a very cute and sweet little boy, and I could see how being in a new environment was so exciting to him that he eventually became unable to deal with it.
They stayed about and hour before they had to leave, and I could see the frustration in my new friends trying to have a visit and keep up with her son as well. Running on adrenaline. Eventually she will find her sense of calm. She'll find friends who understand (or, at least, are understanding), and her family will come around as well. She will find a new normal, and it will be okay.
Until then, I will listen, and I will understand. It feels good being able to help someone in a situation that I found myself in not too long ago -- well Noah is almost 10 -- but it seems like yesterday.
Eventually she will find the peace that passes all understanding. There are days when things don't go well, and days when you cry, but there will also come peace.
Philippians 4:7
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